Survival Spaces
by yearofsilence
Summary: One stormy night, Finn McMissile receives the shocking revelation that his partner and love of his life, Leland Turbo, is still alive. Humanized. Obvious heavy Leland/Finn shipping. Rated T for some disturbing themes and brief language. (DISCONTINUED)
1. I - Jeopardy

_**Author's Note: This is my first story ever published on , and I'd like to give credit where credit is due. A few small ideas have been borrowed from two authors, Mighty ANT and Loopin' Lunan95: the inclusion of Leland having the middle name of "Faraman", and the general concept of a nearly anonymous superior going by "Smith" is inspired by the former's "Compact Cube" series of oneshots while human!Leland's death being actually crushed alive inside a car instead of the usual "oh he was shot/beaten" is taken from the latter's "Polyrhythm" oneshot series.**_

 _ **The title of "Survival Spaces" is derived from the term "survival space", which, in crash testing, refers to the amount of passenger area inside a car that will remain intact in the event of a severe crash, thus allowing the people within to survive. More survival space = higher chance of survival, lower chance of injury**_

 ** _Finn McMissile, Leland Turbo, Rod Redline, and any other canonical characters are the property of PIXAR._**

* * *

It was an early British morning -hardly even morning, actually; it was more around that time when the night met the morning and gave way to the latter- complete with rain. A blue-gray Aston Martin DB5 cut through the near silence, driving towards a London hospital. An older man sat behind the wheel, his frosted hair longer on top and swept back elegantly, his features bony and feminine, sans his sharp jawline and pencil-thin mustache.

Even at this ungodly hour, he wore an expensive, tailored sharkskin suit, complete with black necktie. The man briefly looked at his reflection in the mirror. He was fully awake -and extremely nervous-looking. Although usually cool, calm and collected, Finn McMissile, the driver and an elite MI6 agent, appeared to be struggling to get a grip. His hands shook, his skin was even paler than usual, and his gunmetal blue eyes glistened.

As he drove onwards, he thought back to the news he had received around an hour and a half ago. His superiors had called him around 1:00 AM to reveal to him that his beloved long-time partner, Leland Faraman Turbo, had survived his "murder". He had been trapped inside a car that was then compacted with the British agent inside -Finn had seen the wreckage with his own eyes. He had been sure Leland was no more, but an undercover American agent had noted that there was a tiny amount of survival space within the cube -the crusher was older and ineffective- and had frantically freed the trapped man, his body broken and mangled, and since then Leland had been lying comatose in hospital. The caller had informed him of three things -they had refrained from telling McMissile earlier in order to avoid compromising the now completed mission, they weren't sure when and if Leland would emerge from his coma, and that the agent who had saved Leland's life had later been identified as Rod Redline, who went missing just a couple days later in Tokyo, where he was actually supposed to have met up with McMissile and another MI6 agent who had joined the Briton there. Instead, Redline had passed on the information he was carrying to an unaffiliated American accompanying a Grand Prix racer, and was since presumed dead.

That last part haunted Finn -to him, it was as if Redline had taken Leland's place in death. It left him wondering what horrible way they had dispatched him in -was he crushed in a car like Leland, or something even worse? Could it even be worse? He shuddered as he saw the hospital appear in the distance, knowing he'd soon be face to face with Leland -or rather, what was left of him. He finally arrived, parking his car and grabbing an umbrella, deploying it as he exited. He quickly approached the hospital, where a man from the agency was waiting outside for Finn. Visiting hours didn't apply to Leland -his survival had been kept secret, and one needed security clearance and a chaperone to see him. Finn greeted the man, another agent whom he didn't know.

"A Volkswagen Karmann Ghia has no radiator."

"That's because it's air-cooled." The man lead Finn inside. They walked towards the private hospital room where _he_ was.

"Leland -how is he?" Finn asked in his Cockney accent. He always had a weird way of pronouncing Leland's name because of it; "Lay-land" instead of the usual "Lee-land". At first, it had annoyed Leland, but he had eventually grown to like it as he and Finn grew closer over the years.

"How much did they tell you over the phone?" The man tersely replied.

"Oh, hardly anything. Just that they got him out and he's been comatose ever since." Finn was trying his damnedest to sound stoic, but there was a trembling in his voice. The chaperone hesitated for a second.

"There's been a mistake, then. They only got _most_ of him out in the end. They had to amputate his legs -it's a miracle, really, that he was able to survive." Finn went even paler.

"And he's got brain damage?" Finn sounded even worse now. The man nodded.

"What's the prognosis with that?" Finn's voice was audibly shaking now.

"They're not sure of his prognosis. He may never wake up, if he does, there's going to be... some deficits, one way or another." Finn went silent, perhaps to get ahold of himself. Scenarios ran through his head. If Leland ended up a vegetable for the rest of his days, Finn wouldn't know what to do -Leland had been his partner in more ways than one. He wanted to marry Leland. Leland wanted to marry him. They both knew this, but it had long been a private secret -It used to be very hard to be gay in the United Kingdom -hell, they had fallen for each other during the Thatcher administration. Not to mention, fraternization between fellow agents was prohibited regardless of sexual orientation.

"Now, his room is just up ahead now, correct?" Finn uttered, breaking the silence. He sounded far more calmer this time around.

"Yes." Finn and the man stopped at the door.

"May I have some privacy? I want to be him with alone for a few." The man nodded.

"Thank you, I appreciate it." Finn, and Finn alone, opened the door and entered.


	2. II - Living Dead

Leland lay in bed, the blanket covering his body but with his arms free, each one lying on top of the blanket and connected to wires and IVs. He had a ventilator in his mouth, but other than that, he looked to be at peace. Finn got closer, then leaned down to kiss him briefly -then suddenly pulled back, realizing that MI6, more specifically CHROME, had probably set up cameras to watch Leland -meaning they had seen that kiss in real-time. Finn blushed. There was nothing he could do about it now, so after collecting his thoughts, he decided to just act as if it didn't happen. He'd definitely be more careful from then on, though. He stood there, unsure of what to do now, if they had put any sort of audio recording device in there or not. He didn't look for one -he'd done enough damage, with kissing Leland and whatnot- instead choosing kneeling down by the love of his life's bedside, sighing. He could tell that the figure under the blankets had his legs amputated above-the-knee, just like the man had said. He must have had them pulverized beyond repair inside that car.

"Oh Leland, look what they've done to you." His titian hair, thick and full even at his age, was cut similarly to Finn's, but was currently left completely messy. The right side of his body seemed to be paralyzed, his arm contorted while the one closer to Finn was normal.

"Guess that'll be one of the 'deficits' you'll be struggling with when you wake up, huh?" Finn chuckled dryly, trying to lighten the mood for himself. It didn't really work. He was tempted to pull back the blanket, noticing bandages sticking out from under Leland's gown, but didn't dare for fear of messing with his life support. There were small scars all the side of Leland's face that was closer to Finn's -his left and Finn's right- that were most likely from the car's glass breaking.

"Horrible, innit? The doctors compared it to an extremely high speed crash." Finn jumped at the voice emanating behind him, then immediately composed himself. It was Smith, one of his superiors, a stocky, grizzled man, older than Leland or Finn by at least ten years -Finn couldn't confirm this, as Smith was an anonymous figure, whom he knew nothing about besides the very basics. Finn nodded.

"It's good to see you, with this... trying revelation and all." Finn spoke, back to his usual stoic self.

"It's a privilege of yours to know he's alive. Hardly anyone does." Smith stated, sounding slightly haughty. It was ironic that he was here -Leland had never liked him, and Finn honestly couldn't blame him for that -Smith tended to have quite the attitude. Finn got closer to Leland's bedside again, studying him. Leland, like Finn, had a mustache -albeit one that was thicker and shorter, which was fitting considering Leland was always a bit shorter and stockier than Finn. Usually, he was also slightly tanner, but spending weeks in hospital had left him a sickly grey tone. Smith came up behind Finn. It was rather intrusive, and Finn couldn't shake the feeling that Smith had only decided to barge in there after witnessing him kiss Leland.

"Apart from the doctors working closely with him, the hospital staff knows him as Leland Taylor, who was injured when he drove his Vauxhall Astra onto a level crossing and got hit by a commuter train. Don't blow his cover -getting his cover blown was what got him here, after all." That last part made Finn cringe a little. It felt as if Smith was blaming Leland for what happened to him.

"Little crass of you to say that, considering he's right here." Smith's eyes widened. That last little part had sent McMissile over the edge. Getting that call, learning that it had been kept a secret from him for weeks -weeks he had spent grieving Leland in private, refusing sympathy from Siddeley and others, having to see Leland like this and then accidentally kissing him on camera, thus realizing he was being watched and couldn't express his true feelings without some unpleasant creature like Smith watching every second... having Leland get blamed for his horrific injuries was just too much.

"You -You say that as if he's awake! He can't hear a bloody thing!"

"Well that's because you should be on your best behavior regardless! This man nearly gave his life for CHROME!" Smith grabbed a tissue and threw it at Leland, just to mess with Finn. The small protectile bounced harmlessly off the unconscious figure. Finn rushed over to grab it off of him, then wheeled around to face Smith. The energy of the argument had died with that last action. Smith stared up at Finn -at 6'2, the agent towered over Smith, who stood at 5'7.

"I'm sorry for that last bit, McMissile. But only that last bit!" Smith pointed a finger at Finn.

"In my personal opinion, you should be sorry for more. I'd like to be alone with Leland once more, if it's not too much." Smith nodded

"Can't stand looking at you for another second, anyways." Smith left without another word. Finn turned to face Leland again.

"It's times like that when you realize Smith was never a field agent." He quipped, knowing that Smith could probably hear him without him knowing that Finn was aware of the room's audio surveillance. Finn pulled up a chair to sit next to Leland and after sitting down gently placed his hand on top of Leland's.

"Everything will be alright..."

"...Dear." He whispered that last word.


	3. III - In Memory

It had been a couple weeks since Finn had first visited Leland. He had told no one else about his miraculous survival -he wanted Leland to himself for the time being. He knew if Leland's survival had been disclosed to Siddeley, he'd get a lot less alone time with him, and Finn already felt like he had to fight for every second of privacy when it came to Leland, as Smith was always watching, on cameras and sometimes in-person when he had nothing better to do -he had always been nothing but a paper pusher, after all. Finn knew he had outed himself to Smith that first night, but to be truthful, it didn't bother him. As soon as Leland woke up, he'd be officially retired by the agency -there was no way in hell he'd be able to work again, at least not with CHROME.

Finn sat in his office one late night, finishing up some paperwork. Since that first night, Finn was now permitted to see Leland without any above-normal security clearance as long as he stated to be visiting "Leland Taylor" whenever arriving at the hospital. Smith had at least been nice enough to put Finn down as a family member of Leland's so that he could visit whenever -being a bureaucrat did come with some perks, after all. Upon hearing a knock on the door, he looked up from his work. Through his office door's window, he could see a slender young woman, her green eyes behind small wire-frame glasses and her brunette hair tied up in a bun with long, parted bangs -Holley Swiftwell.

"You may come in, Holley." He sat up straight as she silently entered. He gave her a very small, restrained smile. She smiled back, her expression warmer than his.

"Is something wrong, Holley?" She shook her head.

"It's just that I noticed you have a photo of Agent Turbo on your desk now -I saw it last time I was in here." Finn blinked slowly. She didn't know either -but why would she, she had never even met Leland. He was surprised she even knew who he was -he had never once discussed Leland with her, meaning that Siddeley must have said something to her. He chuckled dryly.

"It's times like this where it becomes obvious you used to be in analytics. Yes, I am keeping a photo of Agent Turbo on my desk. Leland..."

"...Leland was the best friend I've ever had." His eyes turned to the photo, which sat on his desk in a frame. It was very small, wallet-sized, and it sat in an appropriately tiny frame.

"May I see the photo, if you don't mind?"

"Of course, Holley -it's no trouble at all." He handed the framed photo to Holley. She studied it -It looked a little dated, but the main point of interest was that Leland seemed to be completely off-duty, wearing a black-and-white Hawaiian shirt. He stood about ten feet away from the photographer, presumably Finn, smiling for the camera with his hands behind his back. It was sunset on a beach.

"Honolulu, 1992. We went there for his late sister's wedding. If memory serves me right her name was Pamela."

"You two went there together..."

"Yes."

"He brought you to his sister's wedding."

"Yes, Holley, he did. Now what are you getting at?" This was a trick question -what she was going to say was already obvious to Finn.

"Finn, are you gay?" He looked up at her, locking eyes.

"I believe you already know the answer to that one." Holley nodded.

"And Agent Turbo was your lover..." Finn sighed.

"We knew each other since we were recruits." He shifted in his seat.

"We were undercover in Hong Kong, back in late 1986. Leland and me were waiting in this club to meet an informant, but the bloke never showed up. I was young and single, still figuring myself out. Leland was hot off the heels of a breakup with a woman. We were actually having fun at this club while waiting around, and towards the end of the night he kissed me when nobody was looking. We gave up on waiting for the informant after that." Finn paused for a moment to catch his breath -he could be quite the fast talker.

"We were driving back to the hotel, and I brought up the kiss. He apologized... and I told him there was no need to. It had felt so right, our kiss in that club. Leland told me that he had broke up with his girlfriend after he had came out to her -and this was in the 1980s, when the AIDS epidemic was killing gay men like us left and right. Perhaps our devotion to each other spared us, I don't know." Finn sighed once more.

"After Leland said that, I confessed that I had never been sure of myself, and that when I was growing up in the East End of London, I had become infatuated with an older male schoolmate, but nothing had ever came of it."

"And that night we fell in love with each other. At first we hid it from the world, then just CHROME. But I believe I'm done hiding now."

"I just wish I would have gotten done with hiding sooner."


	4. IV - Visitations

Finn drove to the hospital once more, this time accompanied by his pilot, Siddeley. It was around 10:00 AM, and foggy out. Siddeley was silent as Finn drove on.

"Why didn't you tell me earlier?" The car's passenger uttered as the two men drew closer to their destination.

"Siddeley, I cannot apologize enough for keeping Leland from-"

"Damn right you can't apologize enough! You could never apologize enough! He's my good friend too! How long have you known?"

"Only a couple weeks, Siddeley, and his condition hasn't changed much."

"And what's that supposed to mean?" For as long as he had known Siddeley, the pilot had been an erratic character. He could be very sensitive at times, as well.

"Well, Siddeley, I think what I'm trying to say is you haven't missed out on much from our dear Leland. He's still completely, utterly unresponsive..." Sadness tinged his voice at the very end of that.

"So? I still had to wait longer than you to see him! Only now have you told me that he's alive! And why didn't the bloody agency tell me this while we're at it?"

"I was the only person told about Leland. I believe it was because I've known him for much longer than anyone else." Siddeley didn't respond this time, angrily staring out the DB5's passenger window. Finn decided to say nothing else.

* * *

Finn and Siddeley entered the hospital room. Siddeley looked around, taking it in. There was a vase with dying flowers inside. Finn had brought new flowers, and he walked up to Leland with them. When Siddeley wasn't looking, Finn kissed Leland's cheek, positioning himself so that the camera couldn't get a good view of it -he was still slightly paranoid. To his surprise, Leland let out a small groan. It was the first time Finn had heard Leland's voice in any form since the distress call he'd received from the oil rig, directly prior to Leland's attempted murder. Siddeley heard it too, wheeling around.

"Was that him? Was that Leland?" Finn nodded. Siddeley walked over, studying him before gasping, his eyes widening.

"Bloody hell, his legs are gone!" Finn sighed sadly. Siddeley lifted up the blanket, then scrunched up Leland's hospital gown to get a good look of his bandaged stumps. Finn also noticed a tube that came out between his legs -a catheter. He blushed.

"Sidd! What did you go and do that for? Let Leland have some dignity." Siddeley scoffed at this.

"Dignity? You want me to let him have some dignity? He has no dignity left, McMissile. He's been practically destroyed. He's got tubes coming out of everywhere... and I don't even know how he lost his legs." Siddeley sounded devastated.

"They..." Finn's voice trailed off.

"They were pulverized. Did... Didn't they tell you how he 'died'?" Siddeley shook his head.

"All they told me was that he had 'passed away'." Siddeley scoffed again.

"That was their exact phrasing. 'Passed away'. They didn't even tell me if he had been 'killed' in action or not, but that was obvious."

"Was it Smith who briefed you on his death?" Siddeley nodded. Now it was Finn's turn to scoff.

"Figures he wouldn't tell you anything, being the paper-pusher he is. He doesn't understand what it's like to be in the field. He never has, never will." Finn sounded legitimately angry.

"They crushed him inside a car." Siddeley was horrified at this.

"Inside a car? But he's so claustrophobic! He nearly gets panic attacks from being inside planes!" Finn solemnly nodded. Siddeley sat down in the chair by Leland's bed, head in his hands. His crying soon became audible.

"Siddeley, please stop crying. You have to be strong for Leland." Finn hadn't cried once in the hospital room, but he realized that Siddeley inversely wasn't going to stop crying until he got it out of him.

"Sidd, I'm so sorry."

"I'm so sorry." He repeated, this time quieter. There was no response from the other man other than unrelenting cries.

 ** _A/N: Sorry for this chapter being a little bit shorter, I didn't have too many ideas for it. The two upcoming ones are a lot more inspired._**


	5. V - Homogenic

_**A/N: This chapter occurs simultaneously with "Visitations", but it's a dream sequence from Leland's perspective. All albums mentioned are real British post-punk albums, and I recommend any one of them.**_

* * *

He walked through a dark void, barely aware, as if he was in a stupor inside of his own mind. He couldn't even see his hands or feet -he had no visible manifestation to speak of. Suddenly, a warm feeling came over him, and he felt everything become clear. The sensation felt so good that he groaned a little in response. It reminded him of his first kiss with Finn, in that Hong Kong nightclub all those years ago...

Finn. He wished he could see Finn again, but he remembered being killed on that oil rig. This had to be limbo or something. Was Finn even still alive? Would he ever know the answer to that question? He sniffled just a little at that, unsure if he preferred Finn alive or dead...

He decided he wanted Finn alive, even though he knew Finn must be in pain, and that they'd have to wait to see each other again. Finn still had some living to do, he was one of CHROME's best agents.

The void shifted to a defaced public bathroom done in different shades of Pepto Bismol-esque pink. He was sitting on its floor, and as he looked at the figure he inhabited, he realized he had the form of a chubby schoolgirl in a uniform -his sister, Pamela. He -she?- got to his feet, walking over to the mirrors to check if this was true. He looked at his sister's slightly pudgy figure in the mirror, her long black hair with blunt bangs, and her blue eyeshadow. He realized that he had her bag with him, and swung it around so that he could reach into it. After a little bit of groping around, he pulled out a cassette tape -Siouxsie and the Banshee's 1981 album _Juju_. This meant that the version of Pamela he had manifested as had to be at least 15. He dug around a little more and pulled out the clunky silver Walkman Pamela owned as a teen, then its accompanying black plastic headphones. He clipped the Walkman to his skirt, plugged the headphones in, and put them on. He pressed play and walked out of the bathroom as "Spellbound" started up.

Now he was on the oil rig. He gasped and actually fell onto his bottom, his legs out in front of him. He was still Pamela. Getting to his feet, he paused the cassette and placed the headphones around his neck, dusting off the uniform skirt. To his surprise, he wasn't embarrassed to be Pamela. She had died in 1999 when she drove her Vauxhall Astra onto a level crossing when the gates were down and subsequently gotten struck by a commuter train. That's when it hit him.

She had been listening to _Juju_ , the album Leland had just found in her bag. The emergency crews had found it in her CD player. He sat down against a shipping container and started to cry. Now he remembered why he could never stand Siouxsie and the Banshees -it reminded him too much of that fateful morning, when he had become an only child. He had always been close to Pam -he had told her he was gay before he told his final girlfriend. She was the first person he had told about his kiss with Finn. Up until he met Finn, Pam had been his closest confidant. He ejected the tape and put in back in its case. He placed her bag next to him and dug around for another tape before stumbling upon _Power, Corruption, Lies_. Now this was an album he liked! He eagerly popped it into the Walkman and was about to put the headphones back on when he heard frantic footsteps. He peeked around from behind the container, and saw... himself? Leland -the Leland running- ducked into the dark room where the real Leland was. This Leland was the present-day one, which meant that this was the oil rig where he had met his doom. Leland/Pamela was watching him intently as he pulled out a small device and turned it on.

"This is Agent Leland Turbo. I have a flash transmission for Agent Finn McMissile. Finn, my cover's been compromised. Everything's gone pear-shaped. You won't believe what I found out here. This is bigger than anything we've ever seen, and no one even knows it exists! Finn, I need backup, but don't call the cavalry, it could blow the operation. And be careful. It's not safe out here." Yelling could be heard from further away, from down a corridor. "Pamela" grew closer. Could anyone see him if this was merely just a replay of what happened? He ran up to the clone/ghost of himself and slapped the agent. It was somewhat like punching a statue, but less painful. He couldn't exert any physical force onto the man, but he could touch him -and obviously, he was invisible to this version of himself, this recollection.

"Transmitting my grids now. Good luck!" With this, "Leland" ran off, and two grungy men, one stocky and the other rotund, appeared from the corridor, chasing after him. Leland obviously knew what would happen, but he was actually curious to see it in third person -perhaps it was a coping method. He ran after them, and was surprised at how fast he could go -Pamela had been overweight her whole life, and thus was never the greatest runner. However, he was actually able to catch up with "Leland" as the agent ran for his life. Both Lelands ran and ran until "Grem", the stocky man with a nickname derived from his facial appearance took out a pistol and shot the agent in the leg. He collapsed, and the real Leland skidded to a halt in Pamela's uniform shoes, stopping a few feet further away. He watched with dread as Grem and the other man came to collect him. The agent passed out from the pain, and Leland himself simultaneously blacked out.


	6. VI - Beat the Crusher

**_A/N: This chapter's title is a reference to the late 90s British game show "Beat the Crusher", which fittingly featured cars getting crushed. Although Leland's Jaguar didn't actually beat the crusher, he did by surviving it._**

 ** _This chapter is probably individually more a mild "M" for language/violence rather than "T/K+" like the rest of the fic, but it's nothing a 13/14 year old couldn't handle IMHO._**

 ** _Leland says "me car" instead of "my car" because I wanted to give him more of a Liverpool accent then he actually does in the film. Jason Isaacs, his VA in the film, is actually from Liverpool but dropped the accent._**

* * *

The scene shifted again, with Leland now inside a car. He looked at himself -now he must've been reliving his death. He wore the CHROME standard suit that was equipped with various devices, most notably a tracking device, close-rang transmitter, and holographic disguise projector. The last device had failed him while he was undercover on the rig -due to the presence of an EMP gun being tested in front of the agent, it had gotten fried and turned off in front of several of German weapons designer Janus Zündapp's workers. That's when the chase had begun. Two men approached -Grem, and the chubby man he had been with earlier. The former sneered down at Leland from outside.

"Well well well, if it isn't-"

"Agent Leland Turbo." The chubby man interrupted, completing Grem's sentence.

"Grem and Ace! Good to see you both!" Leland taunted, however, his voice shook. This wasn't the actual Leland talking, rather, it was the memory of what he had been saying after his capture.

"Recognize this car, asshole?" Leland looked out the windshield. It was his Jaguar E-Type. He felt a pain in his leg and looked down. His thigh had a tourniquet on it to stop him from bleeding out from the gunshot earlier.

"We found it on one of the rigs after we found you."

"And it gave us an idea of what to do WITH you!" Leland tried the doors, but they had been welded shut and he had been stripped of all his equipment. He knew nothing good was coming. Being that this was a memory of something that had already happened, he knew that Grem and Ace were going to crush him inside his Jaguar. It was such a shame, really -it was a beautiful car. He wished they would have spared it so that if it was recovered, Finn could have it to remember him by. But that wasn't the case. The claw descended from above, puncturing the passenger seat area's roof and grabbing onto the car's frame, breaking the passenger window in the process. Leland screamed, inciting laughter from Grem and Ace. They lifted the car about three meters into the air, and then Grem proceeded to walk right under it to look the trapped agent in the face, still laughing.

"You screamed! You screamed like a bitch! I am _so_ killing you now!"

"Pretty bloody stupid move, walking right under a car suspended like this!" Leland screamed at him.

"Pretty bloody stupid move, getting caught like this!" Grem mocked, doing a poor imitation of the agent's Scouse accent. Leland started to thrash around, trying to get the car to fall right onto Grem in order to crush him.

"Hey! What are you tryna do, get me killed?" He ran away, and the claw let go, dropping the car onto the ground suddenly. Leland banged his head on the steering wheel from the force of the impact. He moaned, bleeding from the head. Grem walked up to the car's window.

"Now you're really gonna get it, you piece of shit."

"You're from, uh, wherever in Britain you're from."

"Liverpool."

"Yeah, whatever. I'm sure you've heard of that old TV show, 'Beat the Crusher'. Y'know, the one where they, uh, crush cars?" The claw picked the E-Type up once more. Leland, perhaps suffering from a concussion, registered what Grem had just said. They were going to crush him inside his car.

"No!" Leland had been deathly afraid of small spaces his entire life. This had to be one of the worst ways possible for him to die, right up there with being trapped inside a cave of some sorts and slowly fading away.

"What's your opinion on this, Turbo?"

"It's gonna hurt, man, it will hurt." He was trying to sound stoic, but his eyes glittered.

"Damn right it will hurt. It's what you deserve. Ace, drop him in!" The crane moved so that it stood above the actual crusher, which resembled a giant bin. The car was placed in the corner of it. It didn't look so bad yet. It seemed as if Grem and Ace had completely forgotten to interrogate him, and he wasn't going to push his luck with that -who knows what awful way these two would torture him? Inside the crusher, he couldn't see Grem or Ace. He wondered if they could seem him -and then his question was answered. Grem, who seemed to be the dominant of the pair, was standing on a metal balcony above the crusher, exactly in the position needed to look Leland in the face.

"You sick bastard! You're gonna watch me get crushed inside me car!" Leland wasn't in tears yet, as the actual reality of what was about to happen hadn't settled in yet.

"Damn right I am! Ace, start the crusher!" A beep went off, and one of the hydraulic plates started up, with Leland watching it. The second it touched the E-Type's side, he let out a scream, prompting laughter from Grem. The crusher began to compress the car, causing the seats and dashboard to buckle. The glass shattered, cutting Leland's face. His legs were now trapped and slightly crushed, however, his upper body was still completely free. Leland started to cry as the second part approached, this one pressing the mangled dash and front end _into_ Leland, crushing most of body. He howled in pain, tears flowing.

"Oh God... Oh Finn... why..." This part of the crushing ended, and now Leland was seriously injured. Suddenly, a single knock -rather, someone kicking the car from outside- become audible. Leland manged to pull himself up slightly to see Grem, who had climbed into the crusher, standing directly in front of the car, so close that Leland couldn't see his face and upper body, however, he was identifiable by the dark work clothes and the fact that Ace was probably too out-of-shape to climb into the machine like that.

"I hope it starts up right now and takes you with me." His voice was hoarse, sounding shot-out. He was still sobbing.

"You're really gonna hate this next part, buddy. I can't wait to see your skull burst, brains-"

"STOP!" Leland shouted.

"Please, show some humanity..."

"It's a little too late for that considering I'm CRUSHING you inside a car." Grem walked onto the roof and climbed out of the crusher. Once he reappeared on the balcony where he was before, the crusher started up once more.

This time, it came from above, a hydraulic panel flattening the car's roof. Leland thought for a moment, and decided to duck sideways, so that his head nearly touched what was left of the passenger seat. The idea was to deny Grem the pleasure of watching him get pulverized in full view.

He didn't realize, not even now that it would save his life.


	7. VII - Eleventh Hour

**_A/N: This chapter's not a dream sequence, but rather an actual flashback explaining what happened after the events described in "Homogenic/Beat the Crusher". Also, since I've been toggling between addressing Finn and Leland as MI6 agents or CHROME agents, I've finally decided to stick with the former term, and this chapter slightly delves into what CHROME actually means and why it isn't an actual agency in its own right. Finn and Leland are MI6, Redline is CIA, both work with CHROME._**

Rod Redline, American spy, stared at himself in the tarnished, defaced mirror. He wore a disguise resembling one of Professor Janus Zündapp's workers, and was checking to make sure it was still on perfectly. It was, and he exited the ship's small bathroom, going down to the loading docks where the workers were assembling. He had been personally tasked with bringing what was presumably a weapon of some sorts to Zündapp -"Professor Z", as he was called, was an infamous German weapons designer.

"C'mon guys, these crates aren't gonna unload themselves!" He called out as two workers waited around about ten feet behind him, appearing to be waiting for something. One of them gave him a menacing smile when looked at -so menacing it sent chills down the hardened operative's spine. He was up to something, this one.

"Too many people here, out of my way!" Announced Zündapp as he entered the docks from below. He was a very short man with a graying comb-over and a monocle, and as he approached, Redline walked off to go get the container, wheeling it over on a cart.

"Here it is, Professor. You wanted to see this before we load it?"

"Ah, yes. Very carefully." Redline did as he as told, opening the box gingerly, revealing what appeared to be a television camera. Redline knew better than to assume it was a simple piece of recording equipment, though.

"Oh, a TV camera -What does it actually do?"

"This camera is extremely dangerous. This is valuable equipment. Make sure it is properly secured for the voyage."

"You got it." And with that, Redline shut the box just as carefully as he had opened it.

"Hey, Professor Z!" The smiling man called out as the container he had been waiting for was lowered onto the docks.

"This is one of those British spies we told you about." He continued. Rod suddenly was paying far more attention to these two. He had been working with MI6 on this undercover mission, so he was aware there were British agents stationed here. One of them had to be in that box.

"Yeah! This one we caught sticking his nose where it didn't belong." The chubby man who accompanied him joined in.

"Agent Leland Turbo..." Zündapp read off of the container right before the container's lid flew away, carried off by the crane. All that was inside was a compacted car -presumably, with the Briton crushed inside. Redline's blood ran cold -never before in his entire career had he seen an agent killed _this_ sadistically, and he had seen a lot of awful ways to go in action. Suddenly, a yell could be heard from above, causing everyone to look up.

A well-dressed older man, obviously another British agent, was suspended from above, a horrified look on his face.

"It's Finn McMissile! He's seen the camera! Kill him!" The workers began racing after the agent, who began shooting, then swung from one of the cables into the distance. Zündapp quickly turned to Redline.

"Stay here with the camera, for NOTHING must happen to it!" And with that, Zündapp ran off as well, leaving Redline guarding the camera... and the remains of Leland Turbo.

Suddenly, a noise become audible. It sounded like a wounded groan, and it seemed to be coming from... the compacted car. There was a small cavity that could be looked into, and something compelled Rod to do just that. What he saw inside was haunting.

A face was looking back at him, and he didn't appear to be dead just yet. However, Redline knew that if he didn't get him out, he soon would be. In the chaos, with no one watching, he took out a small laser cutter and started cutting the metal. He had to act fast, as it was clear the Briton was in bad shape. He managed to tear off metal panel after metal panel, and soon the man was revealed, crumpled into the driver's seat and lying sideways from the trunk up. Redline attempted to pull him out now, but his legs were trapped. Standing out of the way, Redline cut out the panel of what was once the car's driver door, causing it to fall on the ground. Now, he was able to ease Leland out of the car. The agent was lacerated all over, and his lower legs were visibly shattered. He was limp in Redline's arms. Now he had to figure out a way to immediately evacuate the man, when an idea hit him. Around the two men were workers that had been injured or killed by McMissile's initial attack, and Leland was so mutilated and bloodied he was hard to recognize.

Redline was going to have to pass him off as a wounded worker while he worked on escaping the rig. He had pretty much blown his cover for Leland at this point. He dragged him further away from the wreckage, then realized that the workers who were still conscious had seen everything.

He took out a pistol with a silencer and shot every single one. Every single worker that lay nearby, leaving just him and Leland. Hardened as he was, this shook him, just going around and executing people. He could hear explosions in the distance. There was a vessel being used by the American branch of CHROME -which wasn't actually an organization in its own right, but rather a coalition between MI6, the CIA, and a few other organizations- for remote surveillance of the base. That was his best chance for escaping with Leland alive. He radioed the vessel.

"This is Rod Redline, requesting an immediate medivac. I have a critically injured MI6 agent with me, and he's NOT going to make it unless he gets medical attention pronto." Redline was dragging Leland over to one of the inflatable lifeboats suspended from the rig, and actually pushed the Briton into it with his foot.

The radio crackled for a moment before a man's voice came on. "This is the _Evelyn Torres_. Is the injured agent Leland Turbo?"

"Yeah."

"Another MI6 agent was sent to provide him backup. What happened?" Redline grunted, cutting the boat free.

"Shit happened, okay? Shit happened." The boat was cut loose, and plummeted into the ocean. Redline held onto both the craft and Leland for dear life, letting out a grunt when the craft hit the water hard. He quickly put on a lifejacket, then began struggling to put one on Leland, having to work against the man's limp body. He managed to succeed after a minute or so, and proceeded to start up the engine, driving away from the rig, into the darkness. As the lights of dozens upon dozens of offshore platforms grew far enough to blend into a single, nearly uniform line, Rod cut the engine.

"This is Rod Redline, I'm currently in a dingy to the west of the oil platforms. No one else is around, it's just me and the injured agent. Transmitting my grids now." Rod looked around, and realized there was a vessel in the distance.

"Uh, I see a ship. Is it you guys?"

"Judging by your grids, yeah, it's us. On the radar, we can see what appears to be your vessel." Rod turned on the engine once more to advance towards the vessel, which up close, was in fact the _Evelyn Torres_. A crew member tossed down a tow rope, and Redline grabbed ahold, allowing the little dinghy to be pulled towards the boat -right towards a ladder on her side. He clambered up the ladder.

"He's down there." Two crewmen climbed down to the dinghy and emerged a few minutes later, struggling to carry Leland Turbo. The bloodied and mangled figure actually forced a few gasps out of the ship's crew, and Rod watched as a medical team crowded around the MI6 agent, blocking everyone else's view of him -perhaps for the better. Rod was escorted inside.

"HQ, this is the _Evelyn Torres_ , requesting an immediate medivac. We have a severely injured MI6 operative in need of a medical attention." Crewmen were rushing around, clearly thrown off-balance by Redline's appearance on the ship -and who he had brought with him. With all the chaos inside, Redline slipped back outside, taking out a pack of cigarettes, looking on at the medical team tending to Leland before realizing that they were performing CPR on him. He froze, now watching intently. Had his cover been blown for nothing? He had been so close to getting really deep undercover -he was just about to travel with them to alternative energy magnate Sir Miles Axlerod's World Grand Prix in Tokyo. He could have blown their whole operation open -but he had sacrificed all that to save this man.

To his relief, Leland was soon revived as a helicopter approached. The medical team was once again crowding around him, and when they moved away once more, he was strapped to a stretcher for the helicopter, which up close was in fact a medical one. Rod got closer, his feet just a few inches away from Leland's shoulder as a crewman attached the stretcher to the ropes the helicopter had thrown down.

"So I guess this is it, huh?" The crewman looked up.

"Hm?"

"Not you, him." Redline pointed to Leland with his cigarette, even though Leland was unconscious and had been unconscious since Redline had pulled him out. Redline looked him directly in the face, trying to figure out what to say. He really did look horrific up-close, and Redline realized that now.

"Uh, take care, pal." With that, the ropes pulled the stretcher from the boat, and a few moments later, Redline and the crew of the _Evelyn Torres_ watched as the aircraft disappeared once more into the night.

* * *

Redline would later get to Tokyo to actually pass information over to Finn McMissile, the agent sent to the rig as Leland's backup. He was actually kind-of looking forward to it -Finn and Leland were partners, and it was well known they were very close. It was even rumored the two might have been involved. He figured McMissile could tell him if he was dead or alive -however, in a bathroom, Redline himself was intercepted by Leland's attackers, and taken to a remote pier. There, Professor Z and the two men demonstrated that Axlerod's fuel is flammable under certain conditions -by dousing Redline in it and training the "camera" he had seen on the rig at him. The fuel then spontaneously combusted all over the surface of Redline's body, leaving fourth-degree burns over 100% of his body. He had no chance of survival. His body has not yet been found.


	8. VIII - Awakening

Finn entered the room slowly. Like the very first time he had visited Leland, it was around that time when the night transitioned into morning. The hospital room was lit, with Leland now propped up slightly in bed. He faced away from Finn, looking out the windows. Finn drew closer.

"Leland." There was no response. Finn's heart sank -was he still in a bad way, or had he just not heard Finn? He waited a little, then touched Leland's shoulder.

"Ugh!" Leland suddenly turned to face Finn, looking up at the man, his eyes slowly widening.

"Finn?" He choked out. His voice sounded muddled, as if he was underwater -or more realistically, not moving his mouth much. Finn nodded, before turning to the woman who had accompanied him into the room. She was another MI6 superior who went by Hagen. Like Smith, it was unclear if that was her actual surname or not.

"Thank you for the call."

"It's no trouble. I knew you'd appreciate it at any hour. I'll give you two some privacy." Hagen left the room, her heels clicking on the cold, hard tile floor. Finn turned back to Leland.

"How long was I out, Finn?" He sounded as if he was at the verge of tears. Finn got to his knees.

"A little bit under two months." Leland sniffled.

"I can't... I can't... can't feel half of me body, Finn..." Finn hesitated for a moment. Finn took Leland by the hand.

"Leland, you got badly injured on the rig. Do you remember?" Leland sat silent for a moment, blinking slowly. He shook his head.

"What's the last thing you do remember?" Leland was silent again.

"Wait, what fucking rig?" Finn sighed, getting up and walking over to the window. Leland didn't remember anything about that fateful mission, did he? Was it brain damage, psychological trauma, or both? Obviously, he wasn't all there. He held back tears, as he knew as stupid as it was, there had been a part of him hoping Leland would be fine, mentally good-as-new. A pipe dream, it was, wishing that for someone who had been injured like Leland.

"What fucking rig, Finn? What fucking rig?" Leland continued to yell at Finn in that garbled voice. There was an empty plastic bottle on the nightstand -Finn would never have left something like that there, so it had to have been from Siddeley, as he now often visited Leland by himself. Leland managed to grab it with his good arm and threw it at Finn, hitting him in the back. Finn wheeled around, and upon seeing that Leland was visibly distressed, stopped himself from doing whatever he was going to impulsively do a moment ago. He walked around and took Leland's hand once again, only for Leland to pull away.

"What fucking rig? What fucking rig?" Leland repeated once again.

"Leland, there-"

"What fucking rig?" Finn took a deep breath in.

"I'm trying to tell you 'what bloody rig' it-"

"What fucking rig?" This time Finn said nothing.

"What fucking rig? What fucking rig?" Leland repeated over and over, now without interruption. Hagen entered the room once more.

"Is everything alright, McMissile?"

"No. He's like a broken record."

"I can have the doctors sedate-"

"No! No, I want him awake. I haven't seen him awake for months. He's awake, he's talking... let him be." Hagen nodded and left the room once more. Finn placed his hand on Leland's shoulder. Eventually, Leland passed out once more. He awoke again at around five in the morning, with Finn still dutifully watching over him.

"Finn?"

"Yes, dear?"

"I'm being serious this time. What bloody rig were you talking about?" Finn smiled. Leland was lucid this time around. He took Leland by the hand once more.

"First, I need to know the last thing you remember." Leland groaned.

"I don't know. Everything... it's so hazy... it's like me life has been wiped away..."

"Finn, I can't remember how we met. I can't remember who we work for. Where we became romantically involved." A tear slid down Leland's face.

"Oh, Leland..." Suddenly, Leland smiled through the additional tears coming down his face.

"What it is it?"

"I missed it so much. I missed the way you say me name. 'Ley-land', in that Cockney accent of yours." Finn lovingly smiled back.

"And I missed your Scouse. I feared I'd never hear it again." Finn leaned in to kiss Leland, only to be stopped by Hagen entering the room.

"Agent Turbo! I'm glad to see you're feeling better than you were earlier!" Leland raised an eyebrow at this.

"Earlier?" This struck Finn as weird -Leland had remembered being awake earlier, initially.

"You woke up earlier this morning and then fell back asleep. I believe it was around... one?"

"Really?"

"Yes." Hagen was smiling at Leland -better her than Smith, Finn thought to himself. He was pretty sure after all this, Leland still had his contempt for Smith.

"But you do feel alright now, correct?"

"Yeah, I'm sound." He didn't sound completely sincere. Hagen still smiled, though.

"Alright, good to know. I'll give you and Agent McMissile some privacy." Hagen left.

"She knows, Leland."

"Who knows?"

"Hagen. She knows about us."

"Hagen? What does that bird have to do with anything?"

"Leland, she was just in here not ten seconds ago!"

"She was? That can't be..." Finn's face grew horrified at this.

"Leland, what's the last thing you remember? From today."

"Waking up and seeing you, then asking about some sort of rig. I told you I was 'being serious this time'."

"Overall though, it's like me life has been wiped away. I can't remember who we work for, how we met, where we became involved. Just..." Leland got choked up.

"Just bits and pieces here and there." He started crying, this time far harder than the first time around. Finn started petting Leland's hair.

"Oh, Leland... everything's going to be alright..." He continued petting his hair. He had always loved Leland's hair -instead of just cut short on the sides like Finn's, it was actually shaved, and then the longer top was usually parted down the middle and left messy. He had his hair like that since Finn had known him, and it always reminded him of some British post-punk singer, like Bernard Sumner, except with the top far less cropped. Finn, on the other hand, had always looked far more conservative -with hair swept back and loose side bangs. Leland was also more prone to dressing down somewhat when off-duty, and he actually had his ears pierced -it used to be a joke in their training days that MI6 had recruited Leland from an art school. Leland had later revealed to Finn that he had, in fact, graduated from University of the Arts London with a bachelors in fine art. He mostly painted.

Leland continued to cry, with Finn watching in mild horror.

"Leland, everything will be alright-"

"No it bloody won't!" Leland put his good hand up to his face.

"It's not going to be okay! I'm done for! I'm paralyzed and brain-damaged! I've forgotten bloody everything!"

"You're also an amputee..." Finn whispered quietly without even thinking. Leland suddenly uncovered his face.

"What did you just say? I'm missing limbs?" Leland's gaze shifted down to his legs. Finn wished he could rewind time and refrain from saying that last part. He regretted it the moment it came out of his mouth -it was the absolute last thing Leland needed to hear.

"Finn, am I missing me legs?" Finn was silent.

"Finn... am I missing... _my_ legs?" Silence. Finn was shaking.

"Bloody hell Finn am I missing me damn legs?" Leland blurted out. Finn jolted.

"I'm afraid so..." Leland looked down at his legs again. They seemed to end right above where his knees used to be. His head started to spin, and he closed his eyes before letting out a single sob.

"That's it then. I'm quite literally half the man I used to be. I'm going to die in hospital! I'm going to rot and die in here!" He started crying once more.

"Leland! Leland, listen to me!" Finn grabbed Leland by both of his hands to get his attention.

"You're not going to die in here. I won't let that happen." Leland sniffled.

"And how are you going to do that?"

"I'll take you home with me. Look at the silver lining -we'll finally be living together, like..."

"...Like lovers do, Leland."

"Finn, you don't want me now. I'm missing half of myself... me legs, me memories, me arm..." Finn held Leland's hands closer to him.

"All superficial, my dear. I fell in love with your soul." The look on Leland's face softened.

"You -You promise?"

"I promise." With that, Finn leaned in, finally kissing Leland on the lips. His lover kissed back as best as he could.


	9. IX - Prism

It was slightly later into the morning now, and the joy of Finn's promise towards him had worn off for Leland. Once more, he lay in bed, devastated at the loss of his memories and the ruination of his body. Now, he dreaded being a burden on Finn, as he knew all too well Finn was sincere about taking him home.

He had only been awake for a few hours now, but he was exhausted, albeit he didn't dare go back to sleep. He had already slept through too much, and he feared going unconscious once more could cause him to forget everything. He could barely recall any of the conversations he had been subject to throughout the early morning, sans _that_ one with Finn. He was just about to stop fighting and just drift off when he heard the door open suddenly, jolting him awake. A lanky man with sandy blond hair ran over to him -Siddeley.

"Leland! You're finally awake! I've been waiting for over a week for this-" Siddeley's smile faded when he saw how awful the wounded agent looked.

"Christ, Leland, you look worse than you did comatose." Leland coughed in response.

"I'm bloody half-dead, Sidd, what were you expecting?" This Leland was a lot different than the version Siddeley once knew -there was bitterness, even a bit of malice in his voice. Leland used to be the one who brought out Finn's "fun" side, the one who actually had a life outside of MI6. Siddeley blushed at his remark.

"I -I don't know Leland. I guess when I heard you were awake, I was expecting that to mean you had recovered a little." Leland scoffed.

"Leland, don't be like that. Me and Finn have been holding our breath waiting for you to wake up." Leland only gave him a stormy expression in response.

"Finn said this morning he managed to get through to you." Leland's face softened.

"He... He did... but I thought about what he said. And now it's no comfort." Siddeley jarringly smiled at this before sitting down in the chair next to Leland's hospital bed.

"Ah, and now I'm getting through to you!"

"No you're bloody not, because that's all I'm bloody saying."

"Will you at least tell me what he said?" Silence.

"I'll just ask him, then." Siddeley got up, leaving Leland alone once again. When he came back once more, he had Finn with him.

"Sidd, you need to go easy on him. He's been through a lot."

"Oh, you should have seen him though. Was he being an arsehole with you?"

"Siddeley, he's grieving and he's not exactly in a clear state of mind, with getting brain dam-"

"I'm right here, Finn." Finn stopped and immediately went over to him.

"How are you feeling, dear?" Leland's face seemed to soften once more, as if he regretted his behavior. Finn petted his hair -only to be interrupted by Siddeley giggling. The two men looked up at him.

"Finn, what are you doing? You're getting awfully touchy-feely." Finn sighed.

"Siddeley, we're gay."

"What?"

"We've been in a relationship since 1986." Siddeley looked shocked at this revelation -Sidd was smart, sure, but he never had been one to have much common sense.

"Seriously? I never suspected..." It was notable that this entire conversation was between Finn and Siddeley, with no input from Leland. He merely stared off blankly into space. Finn smirked a little.

"Well, Sidd, you learn something new everyday." Siddeley still looked completely stunned. He ran his hand through his blond hair, gawking at the couple -but more so at Leland, who didn't seem to be aware of what was happening.

"Is Leland... okay? I mean, I know he's definitely not okay, but is he relatively okay right now?" Finn looked back at his lover.

"I think he's just tired, Sidd. This has to be very overwhelming for him -especially in the condition he's in, currently." Finn kissed Leland on the forehead, causing the latter to finally close his eyes.

"Hopefully when he wakes up he'll be a little less... testy..." Siddeley remarked.

"Don't count on it, Sidd." Finn studied Leland with an almost longing expression. Siddeley drew closer to the two men.

"Christ, it's so horrible. It's like you're buying into all this crap he's been saying about this being the end of his life." Finn stood up suddenly, startling Siddeley.

"He just woke up a few hours ago and you're acting like he's been like this for years! Bloody hell, give him some time!" Finn had previously explained to Siddeley his various conflicts with Smith while visiting Leland, and this outburst cemented in Siddeley's mind that any perceived or actual direct attacks on Leland and/or Finn's relationship with him would set Finn off. Thus, this was expected, but still jarring -it was if, just for a few seconds, Finn was a different person. Siddeley backed up a little before Finn's expression shifted.

"I'm sorry for that, Siddeley. I guess I forgot about your... unique way of thinking." Siddeley nodded, stepping forward again, studying Finn's face. He wondered to himself if Finn had even been sleeping. He looked so sick. He looked so sick that if you were to tell Siddeley that Zündapp and his men had tortured him like they tortured Leland, he wouldn't be surprised at all. Finn had always looked old -it was Leland who was the youthful one, despite the fact there was only a two year age gap between the two- but now he looked like he was dying, his eyes glassy and accompanied by his usual pastiness being replaced by an eerie pallor. He was missing work because he kept taking days off to see Leland -he used to never miss work. At first, it seemed a little quizzical to Siddeley for someone as studious as Finn to suddenly be disappearing from work constantly to visit his field partner, but now with the revelation the two had been in love for thirty years, it made far more sense. However, as touching as his devotion to Leland was, it sure seemed to be taking a toll on him.

"Finn, how many hours did you sleep last night?"

"Two. But I'm fine running on just a couple hours of sleep -I'm a field agent, after all. Sometimes on undercover missions I don't sleep for days."

"This is different, Finn. It's been weeks and you're under a lot of emotional stress."

"Sidd, I'm fine." Siddeley was unconvinced.

"Finn, I know you don't want to hear this because right now you're all 'oh poor Leland', but you need to focus on your own needs too. Smith, Hagen, even Leland... they're all stressing _you_ out. Don't forget about the fact that this is a very bad situation for you, not just Leland. Your boyfriend of thirty-two years is very fucked up and your bosses won't leave you alone. You're sitting in here taking in all of this anger and grief from Leland while having to come out to everyone while also dealing with MI6 officials like Smith and Hagen nosing around. I guess what I'm trying to say, in layman's terms, is don't be afraid to be a little bit selfish. To be there for Leland you have to be there for yourself first." Finn smiled at this ever so slightly.

"I suppose you're right Sidd. This is perhaps the biggest challenge I've faced in my career, and that's saying something." Finn sighed, sitting back down in the chair by Leland's bed.

"I know I'll pull through though, because I trust that in the end, Leland will pull through." It almost sounded like Finn was saying this more to himself, but Siddeley decided to drop it rather than to push Finn further. Usually he probably would have continued on with it, but this wasn't the time, place, or situation for that. Deep down, he relished the opportunity to finally be the person supporting Finn. It had been Leland all these years -Siddeley had never been as close to Finn as he would have liked, and that was because Finn and Leland spent their time together alone -he now knew why this was, of course, and the fact that Finn and Leland had really been a gay couple seeking privacy all these years made Siddeley feel guilty for his satisfaction at finally getting up close and personal with Finn. He felt like an arsehole who was taking advantage of a bad situation. Still, he felt good deep down inside about getting to talk to Finn like this.

He would have to keep this guilty pleasure to himself. Finn and Siddeley both turned to look at the sleeping Leland.

"Looks like he's finally getting some rest." Siddeley remarked. Finn nodded.

"Lord knows he needs it, too." Finn got closer to kiss Leland on the the cheek.

"Rest well, my dear..." Standing up, Finn stumbled a little -this was probably inevitable, with him being so sleep deprived and whatnot- and whacked his arm on the hospital bed's rail extremely hard. The whacking noise caused Leland to suddenly open his eyes. A man -really a vivid hallucination- stood menacingly in front of Leland, one Caterpillar work boot planted on the bed's footboard. Grem. It was unmistakably Grem, with a imperious sneer on his ratlike face. Leland screamed, startling both Finn and Siddeley. Finn was hovering over Leland within an instant, with Siddeley looking over the agent's shoulder.

"Leland! Leland, what's wrong?"

"You! You bastard!" Leland screamed at the imagined Grem, actually pushing himself further away from where he saw the man. Finn pinned him down -there were too many tubes and IVs still hooked to Leland for him to be doing this. Leland shrieked in response.

"Leland, please stop! No one's here but us!" Leland's screams subsided into heavy, hysterical crying. Finn breathed a sigh of relief -he doubted the hospital would restrain and/or sedate Leland over just crying. He petted Leland's hair once again, this time with his hand shaking.

"Sidd, do you know what that was?"

"That's a stupid question. He freaked out." Finn shook his head.

"It was more than that, Sidd. He had a flashback. He must..."

"...He must have Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder." Finn's voice was shaking -for whatever reason, this was an especially disturbing revelation for him.

"Finn, is something wrong? You're almost as freaked out as him." Finn was silent for a moment.

"My father was in World War II, Sidd. He had it." Finn looked down at the floor. He started crying -this was actually the first time he had cried within the confines of this hospital room. Siddeley's eyes widened. He had known Finn for years upon years, but this was only the second time he had ever seen Finn cry. The first time was when Leland had actually "died". Siddeley, unaware of what had happened to Leland at the time, had asked Finn why he wasn't with them on the flight to Tokyo. Finn had immediately broke down in tears after he said that. Both times were extremely jarring for Siddeley to witness. This time, however, he wasn't busy with flying the jet. That odd satisfaction creeped in once more as he pulled Finn close.

"No, no... let it all out, Finn." Finn let out a choking sob in response.

With no one looking, Siddeley finally let a smile form on his face.


	10. X - Young Blood

Leland awoke. It was dark outside now, and the last thing he could remember was the flashback this morning. The only other thing he could clearly remember from that morning was his conversation with Finn where Finn promised to take him home. He probably would still be brooding over that one if he wasn't so shaken up by the flashback -he could still picture Grem sneering at him. It was an image now etched in his mind. He shook a little before realizing that he wasn't alone. He turned to face the figure sitting in the chair next to the bed. Hagen?

No, it couldn't be Hagen. This woman was too young -far too young, actually. She did look like a much younger Hagen, though, all angles with her hair tied up in a bun. He didn't recognize her, though, and fear started to set in. He thought for a moment as she sat in silence.

"A... A Karmann Ghia... bloody hell..." He couldn't remember the coded greeting MI6 used.

"Has no radiator?" The woman finished.

"Yes." Leland croaked out, humiliated. The woman gave him a sympathetic smile.

"That's because it's air-cooled. My name is Holley Shiftwell. I'm Finn McMissile's new field partner." Leland actually smiled at this a little.

"I'm Leland Turbo. Finn was me field partner before you." This was pretty casual phrasing for a conversation with an agent he had just met -but then again, he obviously wasn't playing with a full deck of cards. Holley gave him another sympathetic smile.

"I already know -I've heard a lot about you from Finn. I even know about your... relationship." Leland's eyes widened at this.

"Really? He told you about us?" Holley nodded.

"Finn and I have grown rather close. I was the first person at MI6 he revealed his relationship with you to."

"Even before Siddeley?" Holley nodded. Leland's eyes widened at this.

"Why... but he's known Siddeley for years..." He seemed genuinely surprised. Holley only gave him another sympathetic smile in response. His face grew angry.

"Why the fuck is that, him trusting you over Siddeley?" Holley jolted a little, caught off guard by his swearing. Finn was always so controlled, and with Leland being his contemporary, partner, and lover, she expected the same thing. But then again, he was obviously... off-kilter. She once again smiled.

"I'm sorry, Finn never explained his reasons for-"

"WIPE THAT FUCKING SMIRK OFF YOUR FACE!" Holley jolted back once more. This time, her smile didn't return. She was stock-still as Leland threw a tissue box at her. Being an analytics agent, at least originally, she was used to compartmentalizing things. To her, Leland might as well have been speaking a foreign language besides the six she already knew. She had already heard about his earlier episodes. She wouldn't take this personal -Finn wouldn't want her to. Neither would Hagen. Perhaps Siddeley would -he was sort-of into drama and could be kind of a nosy character at times. She drew closer, sitting in the chair next to his bed. Within a few seconds, Leland weakly smacked her.

"Leave me be! You're fucking my boyfriend!" He slurred. This was a new one -Holley had never been accused at MI6 of "fraternizing" with McMissile- in fact, it was Turbo himself who had been on the receiving end of those rumors.

"Agent Turbo, you're delirious." He blinked, one eye at a time.

"No... I'm bloody not... I'm of completely sound mind... once I get out of this bed I'll be back to work in no time... and you little slag... you'll get demoted..." He laughed, definitely losing his fragile grip on reality. She was pretty sure he wasn't even actually like this personality-wise.

"A Karmann Ghia has no radiator." She was going to test him, if not just to wear him out.

"I don't... give a bloody damn... about Volkswagen... I always preferred British cars..." Now he had completely forgotten the coded greeting.

"I had... this beautiful Jaguar... but... Grem... the man who tried to kill me... he destroyed it in the process... because..." Hagen silently entered the room.

"I was on an oil rig undercover... investigating Janus Zündapp..." His speech became unintelligible. He didn't seem to even notice Holley at this point. She backed away.

"You've actually managed to get something out of him." Hagen whispered. Holley turned to face her.

"What?"

"He didn't remember any of this earlier. We'll be using it at the trial if he's not fit to testify -which sadly, might end up being the case." The two women watched as Leland passed out.

"It hurts to see him like this. Finn told me he was a great agent, and now he's an incoherent mess."

"He was, Shiftwell, he really truly was one of our best." Hagen grew closer, now standing above him.

"I'm going to make sure he's taken care of for the rest of his days. I promise you, I will make sure MI6 pays for everything. His rehabilitation, any long-term care needed, financial support. Leland..."

"Leland will not die forgotten by MI6 and neglected." Hagen -real name Patrice Shiftwell- was known for pulling strings like this. Holley was her niece, and she had actually been the one to get the younger woman this far in MI6. Holley tended to always try her best because of this, not wanting to fail her aunt.

Holley was silent for a moment, as was Patrice. There was something Holley wanted to say, but not with the surveillance around them. Picking up on this, the latter pulled out a remote and turned it off. Holley let out another sigh of relief.

"You were going to say something?"

"Aunt Patty, it's a lovely thing to do, but... he's so damaged... even though he just woke up, it's still very obviously..."

"The doctors haven't even given him a long-term prognosis, Holley. Be patient." Holley believed that earlier, but seeing him now...

...Holley said nothing else, not wanting to go against Patrice. Anything for Aunt Patty, after all.

 ** _A/N: I am so sorry for the delay on this chapter! School has been absolutely kicking my ass recently, but I promise that this story's not dead and you won't have to wait as long for the next chapter!_**


	11. XI - Lucidity

Leland examined himself in a plastic handheld mirror, the first time he had looked at himself since his "car accident".

In his own opinion, he was hideous. His hair was scruffy and longer than before, and both it and his mustache had become greasy. Not to mention, his facial features and expression had been shifted by a variety of factors. One side of his face, of course, sagged from paralysis. His eyes stuck out a little more, and his nose, which had been broken during his attempted murder, was slightly crumpled and off-center. There were little scars on the side of his face that actually did work. He also had a bit of an overbite -he had actually always had it, but now it was less endearing and more unsightly.

Perhaps it was a dumb thing to be concerned about. Perhaps his face should have been the least of his concerns due to the current circumstances. Perhaps beauty really truly is only skin deep. But to him, this was a slap in the face. Not only was he maimed, he was also, at least in his own opinion, far less handsome then he had been before. Grem had robbed Leland of his mental health, his strength, his job, his limbs -and now, his beauty.

And as he looked closer, he realized the titian hair color he had managed to keep well after Finn had begun going gray was now fading as well, probably from the stress. He dropped the mirror onto his lap. Hagen looked at him.

"I look bloody dreadful." She drew closer.

"No, no. You look alright, we just need to clean you up a bit." Leland was getting "cleaned up" because MI6 was going to put him through a few psychological and cognitive tests to see if he would be fit to testify at the trials of Zündapp and his men. Leland sighed.

"You can try your best, but I'm still going to be minging."

"Don't say that. We'll get right to making you presentable."

* * *

Leland looked at himself in the mirror again. He was clean-shaven now, with his undercut shaven again, now with the top shorter and even more Bernard Sumner-esque. He wore a short sleeved khaki button-down with darker brown trousers, and sat upright in a wheelchair. He looked up from the mirror, seeing Hagen watching him.

"Hagen-" She stopped him, and out of view from him, turned off the room's surveillance like she did when talking to Holley a few days ago.

"No, no -call me Patrice." He made a little noise at this, something between a scoff and a chuckle.

"Your real name is Patrice? And you gave it out to a subordinate?" She gave him a gentle smile that reminded him a little of Finn's new partner.

"I would like to be more than your boss now, Leland. I would like to be... your friend." His face softened at this. She smiled at this, only to watch him look away, followed by his face growing unhappy once more. Patrice followed his gaze, which led to the door of his room.

"Why hasn't Finn come in yet?"

"You told him not to until you were all cleaned up."

"Oh, forgot about that..." Patrice briefly placed a hand on Leland's shoulder before walking away to go get Finn. The man soon rushed over to Leland, who gave him a crooked smile. Finn gently took the mirror from him.

"Do I look any better?"

"You look wonderful. You remind me of how you looked back in the day, before the mustache and toning down the New Order look." Leland blushed at this.

"That reminds me..." Finn took out a small box, almost like a ring box. He opened it to reveal a tiny pair of pink topaz stud earrings. Leland's face brightened at this.

"They're lovely, Finn... Pamela used to have a pair just like these... they were her first pair..."

"These are them, Leland. I had her husband send them over -he'd kept them all these years."

"And she had kept them since getting them done?" This actually didn't surprise Leland -Pamela had been a very sentimental person.

"Where did you get the idea to bring me me sister's earrings?" Finn looked at him.

"Why, I got the idea from you, Leland. You were telling me about Pamela getting her ears pierced a couple days ago, and you told me that you didn't remember much of her since the head injury, so I figured I would call Fritz and see if he still had some of her things..." Fritz was Pamela's widower, a German immigrant who still lived in the house he had shared with her in Liverpool.

"Fritz knows I'm alive?" Finn nodded.

"Why hasn't he visited yet?"

"Security reasons, my dear." Leland nodded. Finn put the studs into Leland's ears and held up the mirror. Leland smiled again. Inside, Finn was overflowing with joy -Leland was like his old self right now. Finn checked the time. It was 9:20. The psychologist would be here at 11:00. Hopefully Leland wouldn't have any mood swings today, or at least not until after the psychological exam. Sure, it was important that Leland's issues were addressed, but Finn still didn't want him coming off as completely deranged -if he were to actually describe Leland's mental state in layman's terms, he would use the word unhinged instead.

"That wasn't the only thing Fritz sent over, Leland..." Finn pulled something out of his jacket and placed it on Leland's lap -Pamela's old Sony Walkman. Leland's face lit up. Finn held up a cassette of _Power, Corruption and Lies,_ then a cassette of _Low-Life._ He placed them on a nearby table, then placed the Walkman there as well. He walked away to go get something, coming back with what seemed to be a photo album. He opened it to a page with photos of a young Pamela, a couple of them containing Leland as well. Leland's hands began shaking.

"Oh, look at her... how old was she in these?"

"I would estimate her to be around fourteen in these photos." Leland managed to turn the bulky plastic page.

"Me sister... she's sixteen in these ones... I just barely remember that she had pink hair..." Pamela's black locks had been dyed bubblegum pink in every photo on this page.

"I remember you saying that first morning you didn't remember anything. To me, Leland, it sounds like some of this is coming back to you now." Leland nodded.

"Leland, do you remember... the rig?" Even as he spoke, he doubted it was a good idea to bring it up.

To his surprise, Leland calmly nodded. How Finn wished he could be like this all the time! Perhaps now he could push Leland a little harder about it.

"Do you remember who did this to you?" Leland sighed and nodded.

"Grem was his name... Finn, why are you bringing him up?" Leland looked a little more distressed now. Finn took him by the hand.

"Leland, you know what this psychological evaluation is for, right?"

"'s to see if I qualify for desk work..." Finn shook his head.

"They want you to testify against Zündapp and his thugs." Leland's eyes widened at this.

"Does that mean..."

"Yes." Leland gripped Finn's hand.

"I'd have to see their faces..." Finn nodded.

"They'd know I'm alive..."

"They've all been denied bail, Leland."

"What happens when they're released?"

"Nonsense, they'll all die in jail one way or another."

"What if they escape?"

"They're all going to maximum security prisons -abroad, might I add."

"But Zündapp, he's so..."

"Leland, no one is going to hurt you now."

"How can you be so sure?" Finn pulled Leland close.

"Because I won't let them."


	12. XII - Letdown

_**A/N: sorry for the EXTREMELY long wait! life got in the way of me working on this for an entire year, but recently i've been missing this story and have decided to return to it!**_

* * *

Finn sat with Leland in a hospital waiting room. The two men were quiet.

"Do you think I'm going to do well on this, Finn?" Leland asked, breaking the silence. Finn looked at him.

"Leland, it's a mental health evaluation. It's not about doing well, it's about determining where you are." Leland looked down. Finn took him by his good hand.

"Though, in my personal opinion, I believe they'll diagnose you with PTSD." Leland suddenly looked at him.

"Now, why would you bloody say something like that?" Finn looked back at him, staring him right in the eyes.

"You had a flashback a few weeks ago."

"That could be anything! There's so much wrong with me-"

"Leland, my father served in World War II. Do you remember me telling you that back in the day?" Finn knew Leland wouldn't accept his prediction, so perhaps it was better to move the conversation away a little. Leland nodded.

"You said he'd wake up late at night screaming. It would keep you up, you'd go to school with only a couple hours of sleep. He pulled a gun on you once during Bonfire Night. The fireworks set him off."

"But I'm not doing things like that. Or, am I? Am I having these symptoms and just forgetting?"

"You... You have been having nightmares, Leland." Leland jolted a little.

"Why didn't anyone tell me that?"

"We did. You forgot." Leland choked back tears, causing Finn to take him by the hand once more.

"Finn, I want to go home. I've been stuck in hospital for weeks. I think it's making me sicker. It's baltic in here. I'm so cold." This was a change from Leland's earlier ramblings about being stuck here for life. Now, he was itching to get out.

"You will go home soon. I'll take you home. You don't even have to live in London. I'll take you to Liverpool. I will move to Liverpool with you." Finn gripped Leland's hand tighter.

"Can you get Fritz to send over more things? Pamela had a few Smiths CDs I'd like. And a Joy Division one." Finn nodded.

"Anything you want, dear." Leland smiled slightly, his eyes closed. He sat like that until he was called in for the evaluation.

* * *

Finn knocked on Leland's room door. No reply.

"Leland." He called out. No answer.

"Leland!" Still no answer. He didn't want to barge in on Leland -he'd noticed if you answered unannounced or abruptly when Leland was alone, it would scare him. He sighed and entered anyway. Leland startled, gasping audibly. He had been changed out of the clothing he wore for the evaluation, but they hadn't made him put a gown back on. Rather, he wore a baggy gray t-shirt and a pair of black Kappa trackies that Finn had picked up from his house for him along with the outfit for the evaluation. He looked at Finn blankly for a second before registering that it was him, then his face grew angry.

"Why would you barge in here like that? I'm trying to get some rest." His voice sounded more tired than mad. Finn walked closer to him.

"I was worried about you. After the evaluation you refused to see me." Leland stared blankly before his face shifted to a look of recognition.

"Yeah, I remember now." Finn smiled gently at him, sitting down next to the bed.

"So how did it go? Did they tell you how it went?"

"I... I don't remember any of it." Finn raised his eyebrows at this.

"You forgot everything?"

"Yes. I forgot everything. What else would I mean by saying I don't remember anything?"

"I... I just... I just wanted to confirm-"

"Confirm what?! All you've confirmed is -you've confirmed to me that you think I'm slow. Just like the rest of them do. You think I can't make any bloody decisions for myself and when I talk I'm just babbling, so you have to ask me what I mean AFTER I said it completely clearly, not because _you_ didn't understand but because _you_ think that _I_ don't understand what _I'm_ saying."

"Leland, we're not wrong." Leland's face grew horrified.

"Oh! There we go! So much for your little act about being on me side here! All you people hate me. Can't stand me. You wanna take me home and care for me because you feel guilty, not because you're still in love."

"That's not true! I love you! I missed you so much! I miss you every time you have another episode! I just..."

"You just what? Fucking what? Say it."

"...I just don't have endless patience, Leland. I'm only human." Leland threw an empty water bottle at Finn. Finn saw red and threw it back at Leland, causing him to cry out. Leland covered his face and started crying, startled. Finn's face turned from anger to horror, and he rushed over to Leland, pulling him close.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have -I didn't mean to..." As he held Leland in his arms, he realized something. Leland had been right -Finn saw him as slow. He wasn't the same Leland, not just emotionally and intellectually, but mentally. This Leland was just a little... dumber.

Finn held Leland even tighter.

"I'm so sorry, Leland. I'm so sorry."

"I'm so sorry."


	13. XIII - Break

Holley knocked on the room's door. She hadn't heard from Finn since he had gone to check on Leland hours ago.

"Everything alright in there, guys? Finn? Finn, are you in there? Finn, is he-" Finn opened the door suddenly, causing Holley to jump back.

"Oh! There you are, I was just wondering how it..." Finn looked somber. Holley's face shifted.

"Finn, what happened?" He let out a tired sigh.

"Well Holley, I don't think Leland is going to have to worry about testifying against Grem in-person." Her eyebrows raised.

"Why?" Finn motioned for Holley to enter, then shut the door behind her. Leland was sleeping, the plastic water bottle he had thrown at Finn and vice-versa filled up with water once more, sitting on the table.

"He can't remember anything long-term. He'll remember, then forget, then remember again, and so on." He lovingly pet Leland's cheek, now standing over the man.

"Did something happen, Finn? He had a meltdown, didn't he?" Finn sighed again.

"No Holley, it was me who lost my patience with him." He sat down, placing his hand on Leland's shoulder.

"I had asked him how the evaluation went, and he said he didn't know because he had forgotten the entire bloody thing. I asked him again because I wasn't expecting it -I guess I was in shock- and he snapped at me for it."

"Okay, Finn, he does that all the time." Finn shook his head.

"He accused me of treating him like an idiot, talking down to him. He said that we must all think he's barmy and that we all hate him. Then he threw an empty bottle at me."

"Okay, but as I said, this literally happens all the time-"

"Will you just let me finish here?!" Finn snapped. Seeing the look left on Holley's face, he quickly regretting losing his cool. Again.

"I -I'm sorry Holley, I... I don't know what's been getting into me." Finn settled back into the chair, having gotten to his feet to yell at Holley.

"I threw it back at him, and he got scared and started crying. And as I was comforting him, I realized he was right. I think of him as an idiot, now."

"Finn, you didn't do anything wrong."

"I put him down."

"You're not even wrong about that, though! He's obviously not as sharp as he used to be!"

"That's hard to come to terms with, my dear. One of the things I always loved about Leland was his wit."

"You still love him, though, right?" Finn nodded.

"With all my heart."

"So you'll move past this! Everything will be okay."

"It's so hard to lose him like this. He's... He's changed so much."

"People always change, Finn. You know that. And I know you wouldn't really want to be with someone who never changes. You'd hate that. I'd hate that." Finn nodded.

"You're absolutely right, Holley. I was never meant for someone always stuck in their old ways." Holley smirked.

"You don't think he's a little bit stuck with all the old music he listens to? New Order, The Smiths, Gang of Four?" She managed to elicit a smile from Finn.

"Besides that, he was always adventurous. And weird artsy kids of today still like those bands, too. I've seen them around Kings Cross." Holley studied Finn, taking in his sad face. His eyes and cheeks were sunken, with dark circles under his eyes. He looked almost as bad as Leland, if not worse. At least Leland didn't look tired, not like Finn did. Leland slept all the time, it was Finn who was kept awake at night, staying up to watch him.

"Finn, you know what I think you should do now?"

"What?"

"Go home." He raised his eyebrows.

"I'm not leaving him here, he needs me-"

"Finn, I've never seen you more run down. You've been fretting over him for _almost_ _three_ _months_. You can't keep this up forever! You even took a leave from MI6 - _you_! The workaholic! You need to go home at a certain point and just breathe. Otherwise you're just going to kill yourself doing this. Everyone can tell you're running on empty. Sidd told you to let yourself put yourself before him."

"And I did!"

"But that was when he first woke up! It's been two and a half weeks, Finn, and you didn't even follow Sidd's advice the first time around. You need to go home, and I promise you, I will sit here with him the entire time. He won't be lonely." Finn seemed to give in, perhaps having no fight left in him.

"You're right." He got up and started to trudge to the door.

"Another thing." He turned back around to look at her.

"I don't think you should drive. You look _terrible_."

"And what do my looks have to do with my driving?"

"I'm honestly afraid you'll pass out and crash." He looked at her with eyes dulled from fatigue.

"You have a point." She gave him a sympathetic smile.

"I'll drive you home."

"But what about-"

"He'll be alright, I'll come right back afterwards." He sighed and nodded.

"One last thing, Holley..." Finn made his way back over to Leland and tucked him into bed, then kissed him on the forehead.

"See you soon, dear." He exited the room with Holley, taking one last look at Leland before shutting the door.

* * *

Finn and Holley walked through the parking garage, their footsteps resonating through the cold concrete building.

"So how are things with that boyfriend of yours? The American?"

"Oh, we broke up months ago." Finn raised his eyebrows.

"I can't say I'm terribly surprised about that." She nodded.

"Yeah, he was nice enough, but he was a little bit too much of a redneck for my tastes."

"He wasn't much of a looker, either." She chuckled and shook her head.

"You're right, Finn." She unlocked the door to her car -not the technology-equipped Jaguar she used for work, but rather a Volkswagen New Beetle she used for "civilian duty". Finn found it interested -he and Leland had both always used just one car throughout their careers for everything. Finn got in the front passenger seat, then looked at himself in the side-view mirror.

He looked terrible, just like Holley had said. It was if all the life had been drained out of him.

"Holley?"

"Yes?"

"I think I may retire from the service to care for him." Holley raised her eyebrows as she pulled out of the parking space, the car suddenly stopping as she did so.

"Finn..." She resumed driving out of the parking garage.

"Finn, I can't picture you being happy doing that. You love your job. You're a valuable asset to MI6. A man of your skill... your experience... they'll have a hard time replacing you." He was silent for a moment, staring out the window.

"I won't perform as well now. I'm always worried about him, and that won't go away after he's discharged. It's not just the amputations, the trauma, the brain damage. It's everything that goes along with those. He's not going to take care of himself, or he won't be able to take care of himself. Who will watch him? Fritz?"

"Probably a nurse from the NHS-"

"He doesn't want to be watched by some random bird from the NHS! And he won't want Fritz taking time out of his own life to care for him. And what if Fritz can't? He remarried after Pamela passed away. I don't know if Lori wants her husband preoccupied with him instead of his step-daughter."

"Finn, then he wouldn't want you to give up MI6-"

"I don't have a family. No, actually, he's my family. We can finally settle down. Get married. Move to Liverpool. Live out the rest of our lives together. I'm getting too old for this stuff anyways." Holley was silent, and Finn didn't say anything else. She drove in quiet for a bit, with only the sounds of the car and the rain outside. Finally, she broke the silence.

"I'll miss you."

"What?"

"If you leave MI6, I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you too, Holley." The silence resumed, and Holley focused again on the road. She glanced over at Finn and realized he had fallen asleep. She really would miss him. But maybe he was right. Leland was doing his head in. What if he wasn't paying attention on the job and got shot? What if he died? Would Leland get worse then? Would he die too?

What if Finn got left with permanent injuries like Leland? What if he was worse? What if some thug shot him in the head with a .44 Magnum and he somehow survived? She bit her lip as she delved into this nightmare vision. She pictured herself wheeling Leland down the hallway of a nursing home to a private room. She opened the door and they entered, with Finn lying in bed. He'd turn his head to look at them but his eyes would be glassy. Nobody home. The doctors had told her that he was conscious but severely-

She shook herself free of this gross fantasy. Was it a fantasy if it was awful and she didn't want it? Was that still a fantasy, or a waking nightmare? Whatever it was, she pushed it to the back of her mind. Maybe it would leave her like things left Leland. Maybe it was better Finn retired so things like that couldn't happen. She parked in front of the apartment building where Finn lived and shook him awake.

"Huh?"

"We're home, Finn."

"Oh." He got out of the car without saying anything, then turned to look at her.

"Thank you."

"It's no problem, Finn." He started to walk away.

"Finn!" He turned back around to look at her.

"Make sure to get some rest!" He nodded and walked away. Holley watched him enter the building, then drove off, back to the hospital to take over what Finn did -keeping Leland constant company.


	14. XIV - Vision

Leland opened his eyes and looked around the room. Finn wasn't there, but a woman was. He knew he had met her before, but he couldn't remember anything else about her.

"A -A Karmann Ghia has... n-no r-radi-radiator." He stammered.

"That's because it's air-cooled." Now Leland remembered her. She was Finn's new partner.

"You're Holley, right?"

"Yes." She smiled at him. She was always cautious when dealing with Leland, who could lose his temper at any moment. But he seemed passive today, and lucid as well.

"Where's Finn?"

"He had to go home to get some rest."

"Really? He almost never leaves..."

"That's actually why he had to. He got so worn out... He needed to just take a break. He cares so much for you."

"I know. And all I do is do his head in."

"Aw, I wouldn't feel bad if I were you."

"Why?"

"Because it's not your fault you got hurt like this." Leland shook his head.

"A good agent gets what he can, then gets out before he's killed." That's what they were always told in MI6.

"Leland, your injury was under extraordinary conditions! You're brave just for taking it on! And you almost... you almost..." He closed his eyes and shook his head.

"Don't -Don't say it. Please, I think about it all the time when I remember what happened." Holley was quiet.

"Can -Can you help me into me chair, love?" She nodded. He pointed at the hospital wheelchair sitting by the window. She brought it over to him, and he looked at it and sighed.

"I'm getting discharged soon. Me bad side's stuck like this..." He reached out and touched his contorted arm.

"I'm gonna have to face the real world like this, and I'm bloody scared." Holley pulled him into his chair, then adjusted him.

"Really? Finn hasn't-"

"Finn doesn't know. I haven't told him yet."

"Why?"

"Because he'll go and retire from MI6 the second he hears I'm getting out. 's part of why I'm scared to leave hospital." Holley sighed.

"I didn't want to accept it, but I think retirement might be what's best for Finn." Leland's eyes widened as he suddenly flopped over.

"Oh! Oh my...!" Holley helped him back into a sitting position!

"Bloody hell! I forgot about the harness."

"Harness?"

"I can't sit up well because of me bad side, so when I'm in this bloody thing they have to strap me down like an invalid! I used to be in such fantastic shape when I worked for MI6, now look at me!" Leland pointed with his good hand to a beige series of straps sitting on the nightstand's lower shelf.

"There it is, I'll talk you through it because somehow I'm managing to remember how it works today. Guess me poor brain's having a good day." Holley held it up for him to look at. He pointed to the largest strap.

"That goes around me waist. The two little ones, connect the right one to the right side of the big one in the front, and then connect it to the left side in the back. And vice-versa. It should look like suspenders in the front and an 'X' in the back." He gave a relieved sigh as she strapped him into place.

"Thank you." Holley smiled at him.

"You said... You said you want Finn to retire?" Holley nodded.

"When I was taking him home from the hospital, I realized he's in no shape to perform his job. And... he is old." Leland scoffed.

"So am I, and as I was saying, I was in perfect shape before those thugs on the... oh my, the whatever... those thugs... whatever they did to me." He touched his eyebrow with his good hand.

"A good day doesn't mean me memory's perfect. It just means I'm not completely barmy... This is awful, it's like having dementia in reverse. Holley, don't ever let yourself get brain-damaged on the job."

"I'll... I'll try." He watched her for a moment.

"This is the best you've seen me, isn't it?" She nodded.

"I think this is one of my best days yet. How am I when you usually come here?" She grimaced a little.

"When I first met you, you were a wreck. I was talking to you, and you just completely deteriorated. It was scary."

"I hate it, too. Every day I wake up and I realize that perhaps I've blacked out the last three days, or I can't remember where I worked, or..."

"The worst is when I've had a blackout and I know I've done something. Like, Finn will be sitting there all edgy and I won't know why." Leland closed his eyes.

"It's so hard to apologize when you have no idea what just happened, what you did. And then I'll get into these moods, and I can't control myself. I can't control me temper anymore... it's like being a werewolf." He put his good hand up to his forehead and groaned. His bad arm tightened, his fingers curling up.

"Fucking hell!" Holley went over to pour him a glass of water.

"Hey, where do you think you're fucking going?" He snapped. She tensed and turned to look at him.

"I'm... I'm getting you a glass of water..."

"Why would you go and do that?" The werewolf had emerged, speak of the devil.

"To help with your headache..." She slowly crept back over to him.

"Sometimes I get headaches when I haven't drank water in a bit." She handed him the glass carefully, and his eyes seemed to soften.

"Thank you..." He clumsily held it up to his lips and drank, getting some onto his shirt.

"Finn's still in good enough condition to work."

"Huh?"

"Finn. He's not too old to be at MI6. No one would have ever said that before my injury. He's not that old, love. He's only in his fifties -his hair just went grey when he was really young."

"Wow, I actually didn't know that. I thought he was sixty-"

"No, no, not at all. He's not nearly as old as anyone thinks. He's just an old soul." Leland chuckled a little.

"And going grey at 40 didn't help." Leland touched his hair.

"I got a little scared I was going to lose me hair color to this awful time. But I think it's going to be okay. It's not fading any more." Leland's hair was still a vivid titian color. He closed his eyes.

"There's a photo album around here." Holley raised her eyebrows a little.

"I don't know where Finn put it. He put it somewhere in this room. I can show you what young Finn looked like if you can find it." Holley immediately noticed the album sitting on the nightstand right by the bed. She reached over and picked it up.

"Uh, Leland, I found it."

"Oh! Where was it?"

"Right on your nightstand..." Leland looked at her blankly for a moment before his face flashed to a look of recognition.

"Ah! That thing! I didn't realize that that was the album..." He extended his good arm to take it from her, but when she handed it to him he promptly lost his grip and dropped it.

"Bloody hell!" Holley picked it up, only to then hear a knock at the door.

"Who's there?"

"Holley, it's me, Sidd." Holley went to open the door, still holding the photo album.

"Hey."

"Hey... is Finn here?"

"No. I took him home a few hours ago."

"But you saw him though. You talked to him."

"Yeah, I'm always checking up on him these days. Why?" Sidd glanced into the room, seeing Leland awake and alert.

"Can I talk to you outside?" Holley nodded and followed Siddeley outside, taking the photo album with her. She smiled at Siddeley, but he had a grim look on his face.

"I haven't seen Finn in weeks. Now you're telling me you see him all the time. That tells me he's avoiding me."

"Sidd, Finn's basically been spending all his time here. I only see him because I come here every time I get worried about him. I don't even come to see Leland. This..." She looked down at the album in her arms.

"This is the first time I've ever been able to hold a real conversation with Leland."

"Everytime I come here Finn magically vanishes. I ask Leland where he went and he has no idea. Finn doesn't want to see me."

"I don't think he wants to see anyone, Sidd. He spends all his time here just hovering over Leland. He stays here for days on end."

"Maybe he is avoiding you. But you wouldn't be alone. I mean, he took a break from MI6. He's avoiding everyone."

"It's hurting me. He's not avoiding you." Sidd stepped closer to Holley, getting in her face a little.

"What is it about you? Is this something they taught you in Tokyo? How to infiltrate lives?"

"Sidd, I'm just his partner-"

"And I'm just his pilot! But only one of us is welcome here."

"Sidd, Finn's been acting really erratically-"

"I know! Don't act like I don't know Finn just because he always held me at arm's length-"

"Sidd. This is also the first time I've seen Finn vulnerable."

"Yeah, but he's letting you see-"

"I DON'T HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS, OKAY?!" Holley screamed.

"I don't have all the answers, Sidd." She softly repeated.

"I can't read his mind, and he's never said anything about it to me. He's not even here, Sidd. Go home." Siddeley scowled at her and stormed off. She watched him walk down the hallway and disappear, clutching the photo album.


	15. XV - Nightvision

Holley stood in the hallway for a few moments after Siddeley had left, staring at where he had disappeared from her sight. She sighed and walked back into the hospital room, closing the door behind her.

* * *

Finn had passed out on the couch when he heard a knock at the door, waking him up. He drowsily got to his feet and stumbled to the door. He looked nothing like his usual self, wearing a pair of gray Adidas trackpants he had for many years with a baggy black shirt. He opened the door to find Grem and Ace waiting for him, armed with machine guns. Without saying anything, they opened fire on him, killing him where he stood.

Finn screamed, waking up in a cold sweat on the couch. He had nightmares all the time whenever he managed to sleep now. Reaching for his phone, he saw an iMessage from Holley waiting for him and opened it up.

 _siddeley showed up to the hospital angry and we had a fight._ Finn sighed and typed a response.

 _What was he mad about?_ The three little dots popped up immediately, signaling an incoming reply. The time now was 7:30. Holley had texted him at 6:45. Finn had managed to get five hours of sleep since Holley drove him home -far more than usual these days.

 _he said you're avoiding him. i told him that you just want your space but he wouldn't take no for an answer. then he stormed off IDK where he went now_

Finn sighed and typed another response.

 _I don't want to be around Siddeley. It's nothing personal but he wants all the attention when he shows up and I NEED to be with Leland right now. I'm too tired to deal with both of them._

 _understandable :) if he comes back i'll tell him but honestly i feel like he's gonna text or call you about it so watch out LOL_

 _leland's doing well btw he was actually holding a conversation w me and he told me when he's lucid he knows he gets mad and delirious sometimes and he's sorry for every time he yells at us_

Finn smiled at this slightly.

 _I'm not mad at him, he doesn't need to apologize. I know he can't help it._

 _i agree :)_

Finn didn't reply this time, still tired. He turned the phone off and curled up on the couch.

In his dream, he was on the oil rig again. His heart was nearly beating out of his chest as he crept around above the loading dock. Leland had called for backup. Finn hadn't told anyone, but he had had a bad feeling about it from the very start -from the very moment Leland had left for the mission. When Finn got that distress call, his heart had sank. He knew Leland was in more trouble than ever before -Finn and Leland had pulled each other out of close calls many times before, but this felt eerily different. Finn knew it was nothing good.

"Leland Turbo, this is Finn McMissile. I'm at the rally point. Over." The only response was static crackling. Finn grimaced, feeling a bottomless hole open up in his stomach. It felt like his guts were falling through it over and over, the rapid sinking motion continuing again and again as his anxiety started to build. Something had to have happened to Leland. If the radio was intact he would have heard background noise, maybe voices.

"Leland, it's Finn. Please respond. Over." More static. Oh god, they had gotten to Leland before Finn did. He knew it for certain then. What had become of him now? Finn watched as the workers unloaded crate after crate, when suddenly a short man scurried into view.

"Too many people here. Out of my way."

"Professor Zündapp?" Now he knew they were up to no good. Outlaw German weapons designer Janus Zündapp was running the show. What if he had personally disposed of Leland? Tested some horrible new thing on him? This just kept getting worse and worse. Zündapp and a worker were discussing a TV camera the former had described as "extremely dangerous". Finn's hands shook as he took picture after picture. He felt like puking.

"What are you up to now, Professor?" Finn took out a cable gun and attached a few wires to the areas around him, then advanced further to get a closer look.

"This is valuable equipment. Make sure it is properly secured for the voyage." The worker closed the box as Finn took a few last photos, and then went to pack it away.

"Hey, Professor Z!" A man waiting behind the Professor with a larger crate piped up. Zündapp turned around to face him.

"This is one of those British spies we told you about." Finn's face shifted. Leland!

"Yeah! This one we caught sticking his nose where it didn't belong." Zündapp approached the container, reading something written on the crate.

"Agent Leland Turbo." As if on cue, the crane pulled the crate's lid off, revealing to Finn's horror a crushed red cube. Leland... was inside that. Either they had killed him and disposed of him like that or... that was how he had been killed. Crushed to death inside his car.

Finn gasped and bolted upright on the couch. His phone was going off, and he reached for it. Leland was calling him. This was the first time Leland had used his phone in a while -Holley must have found it and given it to him, because Finn had taken it away and hid it in the nightstand's drawer one day when Leland was delirious and threatening to call 999 on him for an unspecified reason. It was around one in the morning.

"Leland?"

"Hi, Finn." He sounded okay.

"Is everything alright?"

"Yeah. I just called to tell you something. I wanted you to hear this from me so I wanted to do this before I forget about it..."

"What is it?"

"I'm being discharged soon." Finn's eyes widened.

"Really?"

"Yeah, they said... bloody hell... oh yeah, they said I'm sound enough to leave. The physical therapy's all outpatient, I guess they don't want me just lingering in hospital that long." Finn sat there, processing that. He would finally be taking Leland home.

He would finally be retiring from MI6. He would finally leave London. He would finally end this chapter of his life. This would all end.

This would all end. Finn was going to be torn away from everything he knew, thrust into this new frontier.

This would all end. No longer would Finn have to distance himself from Leland due to work or hide their relationship from anyone ever again.

"Finn?"

"Finn?" Finn was silent, in a state of shock. Even though he knew this day would come eventually, he still wasn't prepared for it.

"Finn." Leland's tone grew sharper.

"Huh?" This time, Leland was silent.

"I feel like I was going to call and tell you something. I can't remember why I picked up the phone." On rare occasions, Finn was glad Leland had completely forgotten something. This was one of those occasions.

"Bloody hell! This memory loss is really doing me head in, Finn."

"Don't worry about it, Leland, I'm sure everything is fine." Finn was too worn out to deal with this. This was so taxing -not just talking on the phone this late at night, but everything, cumulatively -he hated to admit it, but Leland was so _needy_. Holley was right. Finn would get used to it, and Leland was getting better -but that was in the future. Right now, their relationship was so... skewed. Visiting Leland constantly was tiring enough -soon, Finn would be caring for him.

The future Holley had given Finn hope for tonight better come soon. Because Finn was at his limit. He sighed into the reciever. He'd feel better tomorrow morning. This was just sleep depriviation, he wasn't thinking rationally, he'd be okay. He'd be okay. He just needed to hang up and rest for a bit.

"Goodnight, Leland."

"I think I remember what-"

"Goodnight, Leland. I love you." Finn hung up. Hopefully Leland would forget that too, because Finn felt bad about it the very second after. But this regret wouldn't keep him up. Finn's eyelids were heavy, and he fell back asleep within minutes, not to be woken by the phone again.


	16. XVI - Termination

_**A/N: hey guys this isn't so much a chapter of survival spaces as a PSA**_

 _ **i started writing survival spaces when i was 15 years old. i'm 17 now, and i had taken a roughly year-long hiatus before returning to this site and survival spaces in december 2019. however during that time period i continued writing and doing descriptive roleplays on quotev so there's noticeably a difference in quality and cohesiveness in the first few chapters compared to what i've written post-hiatus**_

 _ **thus i'm going to be abandoning THIS incarnation of survival spaces. however i feel the story idea for it is pretty strong and a lot of you guys seemed to like it so pretty much immediately i'm going to be writing a remake of survival spaces. most plot points will remain the same especially concerning finn and leland and the latter's injuries, but the writing will reflect where my skill is now as opposed to where i was when i was a sophomore in high school, and i hope you guys enjoy it.**_

 _ **as a final farewell to the original survival spaces, i've included what i had written so far for chapter XVI here**_

 _ **thanks to everyone who supported me, the new survival spaces will be up very soon**_ ❤

 _ **-samantha**_

* * *

Holley could no longer check up on Finn, watch Leland for him, or handle Siddeley for him.

She had been given a new mission, with a new partner, veteran agent Percival Healey. They were going deep into former Yugoslavia, investigating a weapons-smuggling ring. Finn had actually been out of comission these last few months -in addition to requesting leave, he had failed a psychological evaluation. It was obvious to everyone that he was worn out -including MI6. She was packing her things, and her flight was leaving tonight. Then, she heard her phone ring. Walking over to it, she saw that it was from an unknown number. She raised her eyebrows as she answered it.

"Holley." The muffled, garbled Scouse was immediately recognizable.

"Leland! I wasn't expecting you to call, how'd you get my number-"

"Where's Finn?"

"What?"

"I haven't seen him... since yesterday afternoon... and I haven't heard from him since... I think..."

"I -I texted him last night." She couldn't deal with this now. She was too strapped for time.

"He hasn't been here at all."

"That's weird but -I can't deal with this now. MI6... gave me another mission."

"Really? Who... who's your partner? Or is it solo? I, I can't imagine it would be though, this is only your... second? Second field mission?"

"Yeah, I have a partner. Percival Healey. He... He's around yours and Finn's age, you might-"

"I don't remember him. Finn... Finn might. But... I don't know where Finn went."

"Please, Holley, I'm scared." Holley sighed. She felt bad for Leland, but she could not go and deal with this now.

"My flight is leaving tonight-"

"Is it with Siddeley?" Holley sighed.

"No." She was glad about that, to be honest. Leland was silent.


End file.
